Jon's Favorite Things

If you don't know, Jon is my little brother. I warned him that if he wouldn't give everybody the answer to the trivia question, I'd put a post about my favorite ways to psychologically torture him. I hope his friends read some of this and perhaps you can add a few of your favorite ways to torture your little sibs.

My current favorite is picking a topic he knows a lot about (he's an engineering major) and telling him about it, preferably in front of our parents, Katie (our older sister), or his friends. If I disagree with whatever he says, that helps to feed the flames. An alternative is to take a subject he knows a lot about, remind him that Einstein said "If you can't explain it to your grandmother, you don't really understand it," and proceed to never understand it. That last one is a technique I favored in his last visit to Oak Park. I call this the "I know more than you" and the "Reverse I know more than you."

Oldies but goodies include torturing him about whatever lady interest he has now. I've never really been attached to that one because I've also been pretty shy about my lady interests. However, if you're determined to go down that path, your strategy can be just repeating "Jon and XXX sittin' in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G..." That's a good solid strategy if you're still in grade school, but can also be used when you're our age with a sense of rediculous humor. Another strategy (especially if he doesn't know you're aware of her) is to tell him you went on a date with a girl of her exact description. Whoops! But again... these aren't my favorites. These are called the "Jon and XXX sittin' in a tree" for obvious reasons and the "Oh God my 6 foot something brother is going to kill me but it was worth it."

When we were little, Jon was often too little to play sports with us (he's a lot bigger than me now HA!), so we would let him be the referee. Of course, he didn't know any of the rules of the sport (usually we didn't either), so naturally, we hated him. That also didn't last too long because (a) it was pretty mean to make all the big kids hate him and (b) we had another kid down the road who whined about everything... so it was much easier to hate that guy. This was one of my earliest days of torturing him so I haven't thought of a good name for it yet.

Finally, I think my all time favorite is using the parents. For example, both his and my favorite chair in the living room is constantly contested. I typically would drop down to the floor (I love laying on the floor and playing with the dog) and clearly be out of the chair. Jon would, of course, come down from his bedroom and sit in the chair. I then, would immediately want the chair back and appeal to Mom and Dad. Usually that involved some 5, or 10, or 30 minutes long rule depending on how long I'd been out of the chair. Jon would always, predictably and understandably, flip his freaking lid. That always made cool calm me sound much better and usually Mom would side with me based solely on Jon yelling. Dad couldn't possibly care less. The effect was always amplified by me covertly sticking my tongue out at him as he surrendered the chair. You have to be careful with this method though. You don't want to win too often, lest the parents feel bad. So you can set up contests that you don't care about and let him win. HA! That one is known as "the parent's authority rules all so I'm going to use it to get a chair." I tended to have long names.

However, I should say Jon is an excellent guy despite my psychological torture growing up. It's a miracle that he doesn't have anger issues. Plus, I probably can't ever use any of these again... 'cept maybe the "I know more than you" and "Reverse I know more than you." Those are just brilliant and he gets so mad!! I love it!

But anyhow... Jon, I love you man. And the answer was John Brown Fort.